Things I Know 19 of 365: I don’t like to disappoint

I’m not angry. I’m disappointed.

– My Mom (and probably yours)

I disappointed someone today.

The details of the situation aren’t important.

Just know that I let down someone whose esteem I value greatly.

I managed to do it early in the day, too. So, I got to wear it in my stomach and between my shoulder blades for the rest of the day.

I made a mistake, was called on it, owned it and apologized.

My apology was accepted and the day moved on.

The disappointment, that look, is still sitting next to me on the couch right now.

I know I’ll get over it. I know my apology was accepted.

For now, though, we’re sitting here on the couch, disappointment and I.

Here’s what I’ve decided to do.

I’ve decided to learn in this moment.

Rather, re-learn.

To many of my students, my esteem means something. They care what I think. They want me to be proud. Moreover, they don’t want to disappoint me.

That’s not what I re-learned.

What I re-learned was the importance of honoring that rapport, of honoring the role my esteem may hold in their lives.

I can never use it as a weapon or take it for granted or use the fear of losing that esteem a motivator in the classroom.

They will disappoint me.

I will tell them it’s happened.

I will not hold it over their heads.

This was modeled for me today.

I’m fortunate to have such teachers.